This has been a pretty challenging year. In January, when I let my wildest dreams for the year blossom, I decided that this was the year when I would become a yoga teacher and write my book. I've done both, but not without a good dose of fear.
I was afraid that my story wouldn't be good enough to make a book out of it. I was afraid that I wouldn't be able to write well enough. I was afraid that if I told my story, truthfully, people would decide that I was crazy or - worse - that I was a Drama Queen.
I still am afraid of those things. But I decided to write my book anyway.
I was afraid that I wasn't 'good enough' at yoga to be a teacher. I was afraid that no-one would want to come to my classes. I was afraid that if I started teaching my weaknesses as a yogini and as a person would be so apparent that people would decide that I was crazy or - worse - that I was a phony.
I still am afraid of those things. But I became a yoga teacher anyway.
Every time I turn up to teach a yoga class, I start over again. I hear the voices of fear. What if they don't like what you have to offer today? What if they hate it and they all leave? I tell those voices that I don't have time for them. I'm too busy feeling so much love for the people who have been brave enough to show up. I'm too busy offering them what I have to share - a very simple, very authentic practice of yoga that has given me so much.
Every time I sit down to write, I start all over again. I hear the voices of fear. What if I have nothing to say? What if all my writing is crap and no-one has been honest enough to tell me? I tell those voices that I don't have time for them. I'm too busy reaching deep inside to find the stories that demand to be told. I'm too busy feeling love for the people who trusted me with their stories, and who trusted me to share them.
My biggest challenge this year has been finding the balance between noticing where my fears were pointing me (because they have an unerring sense of direction) while not letting them paralyze me. What I've learned is that love melts fear. When I love the people in my classes enough to really want to serve them as best I can, the fear melts away.
I'm so glad that I have found my solid ground, that unshakeable place of love and peace that I can fall back into at any time, because it gives me the courage I need to keep on walking, writing, teaching and loving in the face of fear.
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