Yoga doesn't get you a pass on life

Here's the thing: Yoga doesn't get you a pass on life.

It's been a little bit frantic around here lately (I guess that can happen when you light a fire under your ass) and it hasn't always been easy to find time to ground myself and connect to who, what and where I am right now.

Yoga is usually how I ground myself, it's how I meet myself wherever I am.

But lately I've been skipping time for these grounding practices in favour of getting one more thing ticked off my to do list.

It's not that I'm grindingly busy. I'm excited and motivated and energised by what I've got going on. When you doing what you love you get less tired, I'm sure of that.

But the nervous system needs downtime even from enthusiasm and when I don't make time to get real with myself on my mat, it shows up in my life off the mat.

On Saturday morning I woke up early. It was a stunning autumn morning and I decided to go for a walk on the beach instead of practicing yoga inside. But before I went for the walk I decided to quickly check my email.

Ten hours later I got up from my computer.

There are compelling reasons why I spent my entire Saturday on the computer instead of outside in the sun helping my boyfriend dig out our old fence and prepare the posts for the new fence. They have mostly to do with a new website that I was planning to launch this week, which will now be launched next week.

I was certainly compelled by it at the time. In retrospect, it all seems a little less compelling. But that's what a little perspective will do for you, I guess.

So I sat at my desk all day, cursing at my abortive attempts to rewrite code that I don't even understand. I looked out the window at my boyfriend working in the garden and I envied him.

I also felt guilty for not helping him and my guilt made me exaggerate my displeasure at the work I was doing on my website. Whenever my boyfriend came in to check on me I felt the need to make sure he understood I wasn't having fun in there while he was out working. So I complained more about the cursed code and the endless links that I had to fix.

I didn't take a break.

I didn't go for a walk.

I didn't even go and sit in the sun for ten minutes breathing in those last beautiful rays of autumn sun.

By the end of the day I was a wreck. I was emotionally, mentally and physically spent.

So...

I picked a fight with my boyfriend. I burst into tears. I had a little meltdown.

It wasn't pretty.

Fortunately, thanks largely the last few years of regular yoga and meditation practice, I was also able to see myself with a little tenderness.

So I gave myself a pass on one bad day, read some beautiful poetry and sent myself off to bed.

When I shared this story with the 30 days of yoga participants one person said that she appreciated my honesty. She said that she had somehow imagined that as a yoga teacher I would be above this kind of frustration. So I wanted to talk a little bit about the idea that yoga is about transcending life's challenges.

As I understand yoga, it is the practice of meeting ourselves wherever we are. That means meeting ourselves, with courage and compassion, even when we are in a place of fear or anger or sadness. Rather than transcending our fears, it means meeting them. It means going through, rather than around, our fears and it means being able to look at ourselves, just as we are, with acceptance and love.

The vast array of practices that make up the path of yoga are all designed to increase our well-being and restore us to our original, unified, state. This state is called samadhi and although it is sometimes translated as bliss, I don't believe that it means the kind of trance-like bliss that involves avoiding all discomfort. Discomfort, like change, is a condition of our lives in these bodies.  

My understanding of samadhi is being able to remain fully aware, fully awake, under all conditions - even conditions that might evoke in us discomfort or fear.

The longer I practice yoga the more I notice a certain awareness that remains with me even as I allow my thoughts and feelings to lead me down a path of suffering. This awareness is always there and, if I make the time to connect with it through yoga, it always offers me a place of refuge amongst the maelstrom of my own dramas and stories.

Some people call that place of refuge God. I think of it as an awareness and presence which is always with me because it is my own essential nature. I can always rest back into that place of spaciousness and compassion because it is actually my own best self.

Ultimately, this is what yoga is about for me. Yes, yoga has given me the ass of a woman ten years younger. Yes, it has strengthened my abs, fixed my dicky back and healed my gammy hip. Yoga has done all those things for me and, if you practice regularly, it will probably do those things for you too. But I practice yoga primarily because it is a path back to my original nature.

On days like Saturday when my life off the mat reveals the results of neglecting my life on the mat for a few days, I remember why I practice yoga.

Yoga is not going to get me a pass on life. I'm still going to have to deal with new websites that don't work the way I want them to. I'm still going to lose my perspective some days. I'm probably even going to keep picking fights with my boyfriend at the worst possible moment.

But I will have a path back to that place of refuge, a way to recognise my true self in the midst of the drama and, if I choose to, to come home to myself.

Comments

[Emily Perry]

yes, well said. that is why they call it practice. thank you for sharing your journey!

[Helen]

This is great Marianne.
I'm reading Pema Chodron's "When Things Fall Apart" at the moment, and it deals with many of the same ideas.
Or perhaps I should say "re-reading", because I read about half of it some time ago, and then didn't pick it back up again because at that time I found the concepts a bit too confronting and challenging. I was looking for comfort, and what I got was "let go of hope" and "sit with your fear/anger/whatever". Even though I felt and acknowledged the truth of it at that time I didn't feel I had the strength to properly take it on board.
I'm very glad to be reading it again now, and it's great to see your post reflecting the same themes in a personal way.

Thanks again :)

[a.q.s.]

Thanks for this and just being you, man. You inspire infinity.

@Helen--I too read When Things Fall Apart in January and it was absolutely helpful. It is a must to come back to again and again, kind of like Marianne's blog here. :)

[Swirly]

I so appreciate your honesty and this is especially helpful for me this week, when my back is going totally haywire, it hurts to breathe and move a certain way, and all I can think is, "But I'll lose my momentum with my yoga practice!" Thank you for reminding me to accept myself - and my body - for where it is, and for those periods of time when I need to be very still.

[susanna]

Great post, Marianne. I've been there - focusing on something that is frustrating me to no end but refusing to stop.and move onto something else. Often it's the idea that I have to put in the "work" hours no matter what. And yes, I've had those little arguments with my favourite boy, too. Once it was over banana muffins not rising properly. (rolling eyes)

Your approach to re-centering yourself through yoga is good and healthy. I've always found the posts about your personal spiritual journey interesting. I admit that I haven't done that for myself yet - or at least not enough. Your message of finding and making the time to center ourselves is inspiring.

[jan]

I'm so inspired by your blog(and your story) since recently discovering it(and you) through unravelling. I am absolutely promising myself that I will find a yoga teacher locally and join asap. I will also continue with the yoga tools given last year on a mindfulness based stress reduction course I took! I know that what you say is true, yoga along with meditation is my path back to peace and balance.

[Rachel Hansen]

I really enjoyed reading this and could identify with your feelings. I have been in a space of overflowing enthusiasm the last few weeks and as I sat here reading your post I thought: I have not practiced yoga in two weeks. As you say, it is easy to justify time on the computer vs LIFE. The line that jumped out at me was: "But the nervous system needs downtime even from enthusiasm". And these words are now written in bold on the wall next to my desk. Thanks for reminding me now, and in the future!

[Colonic Hydrotherapy]

I have been in similar situations where the inability to practice some yoga has frustrated me beyond the point where I could call myself a yoga enthusiast. I suppose that entirely defeats the object!

[Rob Poulos]

Yoga is great! Ever since I started I don't get tired as often and I don't get muscle cramps like I used to.

[nsmukundan]

I had a good time reading ur posts. Thanks for sharing.

[Noreen Bruening]

Such a wonderful feeling it is to find other yoga enthusiasts like you. Started practicing it 5 years ago and got smitten eversince. My girls and I enjoy looking for girls yoga pants we could use for our yoga classes.
Wishing you all the best! :)

[viagra online]

Usually, there's pork, sometimes shrimp, too, if it's handy. Then some carrot and celery matchsticks and chopped onion and garlic. I can never make mine taste like my mom's, though. I didn't pay enough attention when I was a kid.

[yoga]

Thank you for this post. Are youa lso practicing yoga at home? well, this is very inspiring...thanks also for the honesty.

[yogaposesforbeginers.info]

It is good to incorporate yoga in our day to day life, it helps us to overcome our fears, surpass every problem and everything, yoga is really great if one can be able to be used to this exercise and find so much benefits from it.

[DJ]

I've been practicing yoga for 3 years now..it truly leads u to the 'refuge'.. You must do the Art Of Living courses :)http://www.artofliving.org/in-en